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Humour

Destiny of Certain Professionals.

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. 

St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." 

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is admitted. Soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and, as is the wont for engineers, starts designing and building improvements. 

After a while, hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The engineer becomes a popular guy. 

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks, "So how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and working escalators, and there's no telling what an engineer is going to come up with next." 

God replies, "What! You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." 

"No way," said Satan. "I like having an engineer on the staff," he added, "and I'm keeping him here!" 

"Send him back up here or I'll sue," hollers God. 

Satan laughed uproariously and answered, "Yeah right... 

Just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

(Barn Yard Humour?)

About Chickens

Did you know....

The US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on aircraft. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.

The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing.

They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.

The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation:

"Use a thawed chicken".Use a thawed chicken

DIRECTIVE ON DEAD HORSES

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians,
passed on from one generation to the next,
says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse,
the best strategy is to dismount.

However, within Canada's various governments, owing to:

  • the way government works,

  • the heavy stake-holder investment factors,

  • the media,

  • the special interest groups,

  • and various other politically correct influences to be taken into consideration,

other strategies must be tried with dead horses, including but not limited to the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Threatening the horse with termination.

4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.

6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

7. Appointing an intervention team to re-animate the dead horse.

8. Creating a training session to increase the rider's load share.

9. Re-classifying the dead horse as living-impaired.

10. Change the form so that it reads: "This horse is not dead."

11. Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

12. Harness several dead horses together for increased speed.

13. Donate the dead horse to a recognized charity, thereby deducting its full original cost.

14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.

15. Do a time management study to see if the lighter riders would improve productivity.

16. Purchase an after-market product to make dead horses run faster.

17. Declare that a dead horse has lower overhead and therefore performs better.

18. Form a quality focus group to find profitable uses for dead horses.

19. Rewrite the expected performance requirements for horses.

20. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

21. Apply for a government subsidy to retrain dead horses.


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