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Humour

Hidden Messages

Are there hidden messages in the things we say?  Re-arrange the letters in each of the "words" or "phrases" below to arrive at something new but which has a relationship to the original words' meaning. 

  1. The letters in "George Bush" also create: "He bugs Gore."
  2. The letters in "Slot Machines" also create: "Cash lost in me."
  3. The letters in "Dormitory" also create: "Dirty Room"
  4. The letters in "Presbyterian" also create: "Best in Prayer"
  5. The Letters in "Astronomer" also create "Moon Starer"
  6. The letters in "Desperation" also create: "A rope ends it."
  7. The letters in "The eyes" also create: "They See"
  8. The letters in "The Morse Code"  also create: "Here come dots."
  9. The letters in "Election results" also create: "Lies. Let's recount."
  10. The letters in "Snooze Alarms" also create: "Alas. No more Z's".
  11. The letters in "The Earthquakes" also create: "That queer shake."
  12. The letters in "Eleven plus two" also create: "Twelve plus one."
  13. The letters in "Mother-in-law" also create: "Woman Hitler"

Not the Motorcycle



A married couple is driving along a country road doing a steady 60 kilometers per hour. The husband is behind the wheel.

The wife suddenly looks across at him and speaking in a clear voice declares, "I know we've been married for many years, but I want a divorce."

"Ok, dear" the husband answered almost out of habbit, as he stared down the road ahead.

The wife speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," she says with determination, "because I've been having an affair and now I want to be with my boyfriend."

The husband nods and remains silent as his imagination conjures up the possibilities of a swinging single's life.

Then the wife begins to push her luck a little. "I want our house," she said insistently.

"I like this new car, so I want it too," she continues.

"No problem" said the husband, "we can work that out."

"And," she says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat! Oh. oh. I also want the motorcycle"

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge and it's speed increases.

The wife nervously asks: "Isn't there... is there not anything you want?"

From behind the wheel the husband at last replies in a quiet, steady, controlled voice.

"No, I believe I have what I need."

"Oh, really," leers the wife, "So what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 90 kph, he turns to her, smiles and says, "The airbag."

The MoJo Guy Rules

We hear "the rules" from the gals's side. Now here are the 'guy' rules.
  1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
  2. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
  4. Crying is blackmail.
  5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
  6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 
  7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 
  9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
  10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
  11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
  12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
  13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
  14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 
  16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
  17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 
  18. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
  19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
  21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Hockey, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
  22. You have enough clothes.
  23. You have too many shoes.
  24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
  25. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

A LOT OF HOT AIR

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces altitude and spots a fellow down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Tech Support," says the balloonist.

"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

GREAT BUMBER STICKERS SPOTTED AROUND NORTH AMERICA

(Contributed by E-Mail friends)

  • I love cats ... they taste just like chicken!
  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  • Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
  • As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
  • Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep...
  • I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the other passengers in his car...
  • I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  • Your kid may be an honour student but you're still an IDIOT!
  • When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
  • I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  • Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
  • If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
  • Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
  • Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
  • Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
  • Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
  • i souport publik edekasion
  • Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
  • 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  • Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
  • Engineers, 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
  • I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.


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Mouse House is the Creative Technology Department of MPRM Group Limited